FUNERAL ETIQUETTE

Funeral Etiquette: What to Know Before You Attend a Service

What Should I Say?

Finding the right words can feel challenging during times of grief. Begin by expressing your sympathy in a sincere and simple way. If it feels natural, sharing a fond memory or kind thought about the deceased can be meaningful to the family. Remembering moments of joy from their loved one’s life often brings comfort.



Example: “I was very sorry to hear about Mary’s passing. She meant a great deal to me and will be remembered fondly.”

What to Wear

Funeral and memorial services traditionally call for modest, understated attire. Dark or neutral colors such as black, navy, gray, or brown are generally appropriate. Clothing should be simple and respectful.



Men typically wear dress pants with a jacket and tie, while women may choose a dress or a suit. Jewelry and accessories should be kept minimal and classic.

Arriving at the Service

Plan to arrive on time whenever possible. If you arrive after the service has begun, enter quietly and take a seat without drawing attention. When no ushers are present, the front rows are usually reserved for close family and friends, while other guests may sit toward the middle or back.

When to Visit

Close family and friends may choose to visit the bereaved shortly after a death to offer condolences. This period can feel overwhelming, and simple offers of help — such as preparing meals, caring for children, or assisting with arrangements — are often deeply appreciated.

For many, the funeral home is the most appropriate place to offer sympathy, as the family is prepared to receive visitors during scheduled services.

Flowers

Flowers are a traditional and thoughtful way to express sympathy and support. Floral arrangements can bring beauty and comfort during a difficult time and may be enjoyed by the family afterward.



Arrangements may be sent directly to the funeral home for the service or delivered to the family’s residence, depending on preference.

What to Avoid Saying

Well-intended remarks can sometimes unintentionally cause discomfort. Try to avoid statements that lessen the loss or compare grief, such as “They’re in a better place” or “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, focus on listening and offering quiet support.



It’s also best to allow the family to share details about the death if they choose, rather than asking questions or raising the topic yourself.

Being Mindful During Visitations

Visitations can be emotional, and families often greet many guests. If a line forms, please be considerate by keeping conversations brief. After offering condolences, step aside so others may have their turn. Additional time to speak with the family is often available after the service.

Mobile Phone Etiquette

Out of respect, please silence or turn off mobile devices during services. Phone use can be distracting to others. If you need to take a call or respond to a message, step outside quietly.

Children at Services

Attending a service can help children process loss and say goodbye. Children should never be forced to attend, but gently encouraging participation can be beneficial. Preparing them ahead of time by explaining what they may see and experience can help ease anxiety.

Gifts and Practical Support

Grieving families are often physically and emotionally exhausted. Bringing a meal or arranging food delivery is a thoughtful and helpful gesture.



Remembering children in the family with a small item — such as a book or stuffed animal — can provide comfort. Offering your time is also invaluable. Helping with household chores, caring for pets, running errands, or providing transportation can greatly ease the family’s burden during this time.